I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
