Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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