I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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