you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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