Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
