I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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