I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
