the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
