But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
