This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
pray to the hookup gods
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
