my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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