I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
