We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
