I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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