hotel room ftw
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
