I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize