Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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