im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
