Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
