I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
