Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
