i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
