Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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