you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
