How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
God, I missed his penis.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
