This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
