I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
