How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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