You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
