You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
