I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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