I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
