Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
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his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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