I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
