My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
