wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
nutella sex= disaster
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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