i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
