i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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