Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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