D3 body, D1 cock
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
