Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
