i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
