I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
