She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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