When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
