If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Pants are for mortals
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