Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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