the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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