The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
