had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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