so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
