Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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