There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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