If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
