Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
