There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
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