my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
