she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
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I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
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Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think I just sharted jello shots
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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