why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
