Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
