I think my fart just growled at me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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