in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
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Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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