Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
