They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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