U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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