I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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