You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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