I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
